Helpless

I hate this feeling of feeling helpless...not being able to help him nor do anything in anyway. I feel like I'm suffocating inside and I feel like all I can do is cry. His voice repeating over and over "Don't let me die...I don't want to die like Dad". Just thinking of him makes me cry...just knowing that he is just laying there not able to move...paralized....thinking of what tomorrow will bring for him...knowing that his chances to live are very slim...it pains me thinking about it. i'd go insane...What saddens me is that i can't be there with him and try to help him out. People tell me think about positive things..but how can I?? When I know my little brother is lying there...dying...I know he is scared as I am...I could hear the fear in his voice...i hate the feeling of wanting to help and do everything in my power to help him knowing that I can't do anything but pray and hope everything turns out okay...but I wish i could be there with him instead. Everyday i look at his picture and start crying and his voice haunts my mind...it repeats over and over again. Everyday at school i want to cry because I think of him...every small thing reminds me of him and it makes me sad...but I try to be strong for my older sister because i know she needs me...but when I'm alone I wish I could have someone who I could just hug and they would tell me its going to be okay and just cry into their shoulder...i feel like i'm drowning and i'm falling...i feel weak I need someone to hold on to...this feeling sucks...what am I suppose to do is what i ask myself everyday...how can I think positive when everytime I just feel like crying...every night I cry to sleep...what am I suppose to do?