Untitled

Those words feel like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I won't be held down by the words you use to hurt me. Screaming and bleeding inside. I know you don't believe in me but there are others who do care and see my true inner self. I don't want t lock myself up from the world, my friends, my family. I don't want to forget how it feels without the love and caring of others. I want to let things go, the things you say that feel like piercing knives going threw me. I couldn't hide the pain, the tears, the bleeding inside me no more.
I never wanted this to feel so cold. I can't hold on to me...wonder what's wrong with me..Leave me be...don't disturb. I drown but I know I will survive. Keep me in the darkness but know the darkness seems to be my friend and I know it so well now. Can't break free.. I want to let it go. Let me go. But i forgive you after all of what you do. In the end I always fall and I always seem to find my face among the ashes. But I'm going, I have to let it go.
Hurt, cold, and alone again. Can this be what they want me to be? Blame it all on me. Nothing can hold you back now. When you are gone or I'm with others who care about me i feel like myself again. I can feel the real me wanting to shine threw my frost bitten self I have become. I won't change who I really am for you! Not this time just to keep you happy there is no time to waste on you! But you can go ahead and just blame it on me for all I care. Since I'm already some kind of freak in your eyes. You can hate me..I don't' want to grieve for you. I know I may have lost the truth of what i am in your eyes.
I always longed to be like you but not anymore not after the damage you have done..leave me alone. Someone told me that I'm not alone and that many will be by my side forever more.You say things to hurt me but I don't really care anymore. For once in my life could you try to be nice? Sometimes I feel I might lose control for all the things I bottle up inside me. I'm lost and bleeding. All my life i have been waiting for someone to come pick me up and that I can lean on All your lies, I'm not believing. Someone has shown a light on me.
I'm not afraid to try to open your eyes to the truth. All your lies I don't deserve. I can't look down or I'll fall down. if I can't feel then I must not be real. I can hear you...please stop. Stuck in this darkness it feels so wrong...I feel so alone now. I'm in parts and pieces now. All that I lived for, all that I have died for, all that I can't ignore. Alone at night I can feel the feelings that seem to separate me from the living. I've tried to find the words to make me better, if only I knew how to pull myself up.
You've taken my biggest fears and have made them real. I try to find myself so that I won't be lost again but I can't I thought I had to change the world to make you see the truth. I could have kept running forever but I won't any more. I shouldn't have locked this stupid dark door with my heart inside it. Can't you see my heart bleeding? I shouldn't let you talk to me so harshly. Even after all I try to do it isn't good enough for you. When will I be a good enough person?
Everyday when I come home I wait for your words to fall upon me like cold rain. There I wait...cold, wet, hurt, bleeding, and lonely. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even alive anymore after what I feel, its such a sharp pain it kills me. I'm sick of having bury everything inside. I try to get rid of the pain but it just come and kills me slower every time. Sometimes I try to speak but my words just hang in the air. Sometimes your words leave me paralyzed and in silence. I try to close my eyes and try to forget what you have said and pretend its not real. But these scars I have are because of you. No matter what you say I will not let you break me completely.
Because of you have cried more the 100,000 tears. Tears of anger, hatred, and sadness. These wounds are deeper then the deepest sea. You are so suffocating, I'm not fake less, just paranoid that I might suffocate. But I'm praying that some day you see the good in me that others see.