I've Lost My Innocence

I'm done yes I have said I'm DONE with all of this...I've exposed my weakness inside me with the daylight it bright enough to kill this dream of mine. I'm losing my innocence. I can't really expect to live like this forever? We can't right? What can I say or what should I say or even better how can I explain this pain? It weighs somewhat heavy on the brains of those who I love..those who keep the faith...when I know there's just only one way. I can't live like this forever. No I won't..we weren't made to live like this no we NEVER were...I try to come as close as I can and try to make it work but instead I turn around and walk back towards the darkness I have been hiding in cause you just yell and bicker about the stupidest things. One thing that I know is that we were never meant nor made to live like this.

Living

I have gone for much to long living as if I'm not alive. I have to attempt to find myself underneath this frostbitten cold self I see in the mirror everyday...I know she's in there somewhere and I must find her again and bring her out again...when I make all the things said and all the things said and all the things seen fad away. I'm going to make sure it's gone for good and replaced. I seem to have tied my pain below me and no one seems to know that I'm hurt and broken inside. I've tried to patch up my deep wounds and kill these fears of mine that don't let me sleep at night. It's not fake less if I try to open my eyes and I'll try to face these fears that have become real. I just need this pain to end right now. But why is it so hard? I have to cause it just might save me before it's to late...

Flamming

This is such a shame of what we have become...such fragile beings that can be hurt and broken so easily. The memory seems to remain as if it is encrypted in my brain...there is a tiny spark inside of me and when things give it oxygen it seems to burn with such heat and i just let the flames begin to burn inside me...hotter and hotter. This is my death was wish when he tried to come take us down. Sometimes I guess my weakness give me a little bit of strength I need and I'll die searching for it...this happiness...something that seems so foreign...I can't let myself regret such happiness. Even after it all the pain caused i still can't believe there's a little bit of hope buried beneath it all. Hiding there...growing underneath a small glimpse...a small glitter of it. Wishing as i sink into this lifeless life of mine, This is what I'll be when he comes and tries to take me down...tries to take us down with his hurtful words.

A Flower Among The Ashes

When something burns it seems to destroy everything in its way..no matter what it is it seems to be burned and vaporized right? But a few days later you can see that life is still there...even after everything that happened you see a flower grow in the middle of all the destruction....I guess that's how you could describe the feeling I feel right now after all of the pain I've gone through everything I have had to encounter you'd think that I couldn't feel or live anymore. But I guess we all have to go through suffering and learn from it. We can't and shouldn't let it defeat us because just like that fire it may destroy everything but yet a flower always rises from among the ashes. You may think that there is no life left...nothing...but life always grows again if you truly believe it can it will...Don't stop believing in your dreams, in your beliefs, in your feeling, and most importantly don't stop believing in your self. I've been through a lot and I admit sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore...you want to scream and yell and hit something...but in the end what good will that do?? It only gives the person who is causing it the power to know that they can get to you and that they can break you. But you mustn't ever give them that power...if you believe in yourself then you can get through it...I have that's what I did...I am that flower that rises among the ashes.

Like a Roaring Wind

I can see it in her eyes and it has bugging me all day and i can see that she wants to cry..u can see she has been acting really strange..when he starts talking and complaining I tend to tune him out cause what's the point in listening anymore? It doesn't even matter anymore cause I know its just gonna be a bunch of lies and I just know what he's going to say..."I ain't good enough"...and then the tears start pouring even though I don't want them to...they just start flowing and that's when i know that its coming...when you see the rain falling you know that the pain is coming...just like a roaring wind he breaks and rips everything in his way. The way you have hurt me and now I'm left with the pain. But I can't say that I'm surprised cause to you life has always been like a game...and you said exactly what I knew you would say. And it does hurt in that I won't lie cause it does, but I won't let it hurt me as bad as it could cause someone has shown me to let it just slide and go with the flow cause none of it is true. But I can just know when its all coming..the tears and the pain but after it all I'm just left with the pain and my life is some what shattered but I have to pick up the pieces. Just start new ... a new beginning and slowly put everything back together again. I will be strong I will go on for myself...I know I can make it through even if its painful..

When it rains

When it rains it seems that every raindrop touches something...can you just say it again again but actually mean it?? Well it wasnt my fault you yourself made a bed at the bottem of the blackest hole and the conviced yourself that its not the reason why you dont see us or the sun anymore..But how could you do it? I never saw it coming no i need a ending to this chapter so why don't you stay a little longer and explain it a little more clearer? And when it rains will we always find a escape? Just running away from all if the ones who loved you. From everything you created the distance ... but i cant see how you did this I personally never saw it coming...explain that to me...take your time and EXPLAIN..take these chances to turn it all around..take the chances and maybe we can get through it maybe we can turn it all around...how did this happen?? how did we get here?? I never saw this coming...no I truly didnt see it coming...
so just come stay a little longer and take your time and explain it.

No one ever wins

Hold your head up high you never wrong, somewhere in this crazy ride you belong you would rather fight then walk away. What a lonely way to breath the air.. jeez what a lovely way to say you care now we are to far gone for me to say that I never thought that we would come to this. Maybe there is beauty still there...you would rather fight then walk away...there is no reason left to try...now it has gone to far look at where we stand now...you've pushed me away another black day, here I am counting up the reasons to cry. Look what you missed living like this no body wins. Searching for the REAL truth in your eyes found myself so lost...that I don't even recognize the person that you claim to be. Don't know where to stop or where to begin your just so caught up in who you are now your far to high for me to even see you and understand this. You never said you were sorry for the pain you cause...but don't assume that I won't forgive...don't assume that I'll take you there...but here is another black day and still I find myself counting up the reasons to cry...we've gone to far and either way no body wins....no one ever wins.