Shadow

My shadow is going must faster then me...
I don't know what to do...sometimes I think if I'm not alone...I mean from being alone at all...
I guess with time you grow immune to it...will it get the best of me? Lift me up then throw me down? Will it defeat me? Will i learn to get up? After everything I loved was teared from me. I don't know what to do. I stare into the mirror and my reflection is a big blur...out of focus so much..confusing...delusions...waiting for a turn now I can see through it all...hearing warnings that no one sees or hears...must I learn to somehow love the things I am afraid of? Even if it has taken all that I learned to love from me? Maybe I can't or shouldn't...or don't have to hold my head higher than my heart with its feelings...I just hope that I';m not alone...where's the truth? Its fading away too quickly...my shadow is moving...I get to thinking maybe I should move with it too...
I just hope I'm not alone...

When time is gone

The world can overwhelm and tire you in one hit...seems like nothing can ease my thoughts.
Which way should I run? When its always so many problems. Feeling lost...
A feeling I cannot control anymore....Another day...
some people say it going to be a hell of a day
others say it is to soon to say..
each person asks themselves inside...Am I really string enough for this? When there are many things that each one of us can be proud of..I want to just come out from under your shadow...shake you off for good...but then no onereally knows what is underneath it all.
A single heart...a single heartbeat...what happens when it is gone?
There's a world I have never seen...maybe there is still some hope in my dreams right? But then it could all just blow away...like the leaves in the wind...whirling round and round. But if we wait for it to blow...remember to breath...as the darkness grows darker and darker I'm sinking in it...
reaching out...but for what?
Something that I can hold on to?
What happens when time is gone?...

Live before we die

I guess we all want to live before we all die of course...like truly live...please i don't want to cry on another cold floor...I don't want to cry myself to sleep once more...could someone open the door and show me how things could have gone. Seems like its taking a long time for them to figure things out...I'm about to break and there were no arms from keeping me from harming me, from protecting me...and now I'm looking...I'm searching back to see now I never ever tried asking for your sympathy, because no one wants to walk with me too far...because they think I might trip along the way...but yet I walk this unknown road...even if I have to walk it alone...it maybe just might turn into something better....

Catch me when I fall

Why does it feel like rain? Another sad depressing day...
sometimes the answers don't seem to fit in my life. Glass is full but it tastes like crap. Wanting to make a quick decision...I'll cry for a little longer...and I'll try to be stronger even if it is really hard...and I'll see if someone will catch me as I fall...I can't say what I did was wrong because it wasn't...but still you follow me around like a goddamn sing-a-long...anting to let you go as you let a balloon and watch it fly away into the sky and forgotten...so I'll cry for a little more...someone catch me as I fall.

A Horrid Picture

You can close your eyes...and tell me mean things...you say you'll always be there...it paints a horrid picture...no matter how you frame it...nobody seems to hear...until I scream and shout, even though you tied me down and you have blown my candle out but yet I glow...I'll be the person you'll NEVER know...glowing...I see this girl with so much anger and pain...trying to make peace among the danger. By looking in the mirror...I see that you have taken it way to far but somehow I will manage to lick my wounds and take a bow and just hold my cold hands together...I will glow...you'll never know me ever...I will still glow no matter how you try to break me...still see your piercing eyes looking at me during the night I can still feel your stare...you thinking that I didn't know you were there...but you won't break me...no I won't let you...I will glow on forever.

Wanting to Dream

Its raining I want to just throw myself into it... run through it feel the rain like small piercing nails...the moon is bright lighting the path I walk...glowing on my face...I'm holding my breath but wanting to just SCREAM! I'm trying to teach myself to try to believe in the things that I truly don't understand. I don't even know if some things are true, is this what dreamers do? Can't recall what day it is today...so lost...but I should not have fear right? Then am I afraid?...
I can't believe what you did...maybe we are not the same..I'm watching the hours go by through this one-way glass. The time finally passing...teaching myself to dream...wanting to learn what love can be...what makes love and keeps it together,,,in all of us...I believe in things that I yet don't understand,,,who knows if they are true. Eyes are shut until the wakening...all your lies will take you under...leaving my mind to just flow...let time go...
...do dreams really come true...

Puppet

Feel like a puppet in a puppeteer's clammy cold hands... I can feel the pain...so much pain it hurts my soul...someone take me outside...show me things that i don't know. I'm outside cold and alone...someone please let me inside...show me where i have never been...I'm afraid...my curls have twisted into many knots..twist and turn me inside out...show me what happiness and bliss is all about please..i f I wait to just run away..I'll be trapped again for another day...please someone let me in...take me to a place where is unknown to me...show me things i don't know...so much pain...killing my soul...please let me in... can you see me outside alone cold and wet...please some one show me...

A Starving Soul

you know how they clip a birds wings? that's how I feel..as if they tore my wings apart and just left me there alone...No use in flying because I can't ...can't fly to freedom. My eyes seem to go back to that day...seeing the hurt that was done. beat me instead of them...pain is all i seem to feel. I'll go where secrets are untold...where roses start to unfold...I'll all asleep maybe then time will go by. Is hurting here where i belong dreaming of a happier place, blood on my hands to be strong. the flowers seem to have faded. i don't belong there seems no right way to heal what is wrong. I can't throw up anymore don't even want to try... Why must I cry? My fire is burning out...go ahead KILL my flame without a frown..What do you see a starving soul... hungry for some love and warmth...So i close my eyes once more...can't fly...secrets untold...blood on my hands to make me strong...yea right i don't belong...freedom...dreaming...A starving soul...

Forgotten

Another normal day...my day just turned to gray...the trace of happiness has been removed...everything seems disapproved or a disappointment..what are we searching for? I feel weak..in the night...is it true what they say? "that the weak ones lose the fight?"..so many feelings...no one seems to are..I'm lost and so alone...left on my own...i have been forgotten...i guess I carry all the blame even though none of it was my fault...want to break the chains that are holding me down..I see, I feel, I believe...just like you do...crying...bruises and cuts I have nothing anymore...I'm frightened of everything...hoping and wishing...but for what? What am I waiting for ? What's wrong with me...so alone...left on my own...forgotten...it shouldn't be this way...
...forgotten...

so misleading

hating every moment that has to do with you...why do we have to go through this again...i feel like I'm going to throw up...i feel cold and lost and hurt...everything is so confusing...i don't know what to do anymore...I can't believe that you are going to get away with it once again...i can't believe you have cause so much pain to the point where not even she could handle it...I HATE YOU...i know maybe by saying this maybe i might sound like the bad guy but I'm not I'm just expressing how i feel and that is how i feel...i truly do HATE YOU...so much pain you have caused...but yet i cant believe you sort of got away with something you caused pain...you were able to cause pain and that is what angers me the most....i hate seeing her cry...seeing the pain in her eyes...gosh why did u have to be so cruel and then put on your stupid innocent face..i feel like screaming at you...i feel like hitting something..i try to talk but i don't know what to say anymore...i cant believe you...i don't know what happened to...why was it so hard for you to show any respect?!....huh? why? I thought it would all get better since you left but as i see it has only gotten worse and worse....why....? i can't even write anymore...feel sick...

another day

here i sit another day...another hour gone by....I don't know what to do anymore...i just sit here and think to myself...what now? you managed to get away with something that wasn't right...im looking through this clear looking glass and I want to just go through it...into another world into a happy day...away from the wreckage you have made...I keep dreaming of this because I know I still can...but it seems everytime i close my eyes i seem to still trip...wanting to be free... wanting to go to a place i know...a place i can see those who still care for me...since they both live a little far I miss them dearly I really do...I wish I could get on a plane and just leave go over there and stay there...I feel as if I'm slipping out of my life...but it seems my hand won't go to this other side...my fingers seem to be locked together...not wanting to let go...the glass feels cold...i can taste the tears...cold and salty....but i just try to lose my eyes and drift off into sleep and dream of this place where i can call home seeing their warm smiling faces once again...feeling the warm embrace of a hug...but when I try to go to sleep and dream...but my eyes they don't close...closing the curtains and left in darkness...will someone tell me it will be Ok?....come and warm my spirit for it has gone cold...and help me wait for another day....