Home (English Version)

You wish you could be with them but every direction leads you away. Pray for tomorrow and also for today. All I want is to be at a happy home. Standing in front of the mirror I look the same but different too. Just looking for shelter..from the cold and the pain. Some where to cover safe from the cold wet rain. All I want to be is home. Echoing silence patience and grace. All of these moments I'll never replace. The fear of my heart is to have absence of faith. People I've loved i have no regrets. Some I can remember some I have forgotten..some of them are still living some are dead.. all I want to be home...

Home

você deseja que você poderia ser com eles mas ligações de cada sentido você afastado. Pray para o amanhã e também para hoje. Tudo que eu quero é estar em um repouso feliz. Estar na frente do espelho eu olha o mesmo mas diferentes demasiado. Abrigo procurando justo. .from o frio e a dor. Alguns onde cobrir o cofre da chuva molhada fria. Tudo que eu quero ser é home. Paciência e grace ecoando do silêncio. Todos estes momentos eu nunca substituirei. O medo de meu coração é ter a ausência da fé. Os povos que I têm amaram-me não têm nenhum pesar. Alguns mim rmember da lata alguns que eu me esqueci que. .some deles estão vivendo ainda alguns estão inoperantes. tudo que eu quero ser home…

Changing the World

I guess everyone just wants the best for everyone...friends, family, special someones..but I think sometimes we don't know what that means....what is the best we can get?...I know they bring out the best in me and I bring out the best in them. I know we can sometimes get sick of these abstract things. But time has been kind in a weird kind of way...we all sometimes wait for the feeling to leave..but then you think maybe if I can just hold on to this feeling for this long then maybe I can get them to hold me. Don't you believe that in someway we have changed the world in a small way? Even if we feel we haven't we have maybe changed the world for someone else. Sometimes we don't think we can make it alone but we really aren't alone. I don't have much more to lose..I can't say for sure where I'll end up..but I just want to end up there with them. When the darkness seems to creep in and my world seems to be crashing down and it starts to turn again...will you believe?? When you won't get over them and your world just splits in two and you just can't seem to make it through......will they believe in you? Don't you believe we have changed the world for someone or somehow? Well at least I changed the world for many.

Feelings Continued...

I'm bleeding, screaming and deceiving because of you. But you still don't hear me screaming on the inside and you just keep on going. I'm tormented daily and defeated by you. It feels like I'm falling forever. It seems I have blurred and mixed the truth and the lies to the point where I don't know whats real and whats not. I always have confused thought inside my head and sometimes I can't trust myself anymore on what to believe. So go on and scream and yell at me, but I won't be broken again. Not anymore. Sometimes I feel so numb and cold. Have you no shame don't you see me here hurt and alone?? But now I know I can't and never will be the perfect person you want me to me...cause like everyone else I am human. I know the truth now someone has told me that I am not worthless or anything that you have said. I can't even say " I love you" now. Everything you have said about us isn't true. Sometimes I'm tired of being here anymore. These deep wounds don't seem to heal, this pain is just to much sometimes. Its just too much that not even time can't heal nor erase it. Your voice with your hurtful words seem to linger in the air. They whisper slowly to me...I fear you but I won't let you pull me down. the idea of you watching my every move to see what I'm doing wrong, to pick out my every imperfection haunts me. I've tried to kill the pain but it seems to come back every time I try to think positive. They tell me to not worry and think positive but sometimes its really hard to do. Sometimes my bedroom is my refugee to go cry, wanting to just scream but I can't I'm already swallowed up in my screaming and pain. Sometimes I can just lay on the floor for hours crying and hurting. You don't seem to remember my true self. I try so hard not to think about it but my mind races... I can't believe I actually feel for the words you've said. I look in the mirror and I see the pain in my eyes but I seem to be able to put a fake smile on and make it seem like nothing is wrong. In was letting you take over me but not anymore. I miss my old self...the happy and cheerful I used to be and I know she is still inside me under my cold and hurt self. I'm slowly going back to her even if its hard I will make it and I shall become her again. I'm done trying to be good enough for you. cause with you its impossible to be. I am to others the say I'm a great person. That they love my happy, funny and outgoing persona. That I should just let it slide and forget everything. Somehow I know there's just more to come but I will just have to wheel it all aways and not close my eyes and let myself fall. No I wont try to turn away and I won't try to hide anymore.

Sometimes

Sometimes I lock myself from the world.
Sometimes I dream of better times and a better place.
Sometimes we want to feel happy but all that comes is sadness.
Sometimes people hurt us without thinking.
Sometimes I just want to scream.
Sometimes I want to dance all the anger away.
Sometimes I want to talk to someone and feel less lonely.
Sometimes I find myself crying at night.
Sometimes I pray for hours.
Sometimes I can't sleep because my mind races all night.
Sometimes I'm scared of what others will say of me.
Sometimes I just want to run and keep on running...
Sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough.
Sometimes I want to just say " Stop it can't you see your words are hurting me" But when I seem to speak I can't.
Sometimes I lose my voice when I try to speak.
Sometimes I hate myself for letting everything get to me.
Sometimes I scream with all my might silently in my mind.
Sometimes I just wonder why.
Sometimes I wonder if someone cares for me.
Sometimes I'm scared of being in my own house.
Sometimes I want to forget but just can't.
Sometimes I try to look strong but I'm weak sometimes.
Sometimes I want to cry but I find that I have no tears left.
Sometimes I wish better times were here.
Sometimes I wish I could see that someone was proud of me.
Sometimes I wonder why the world is so cruel.
Sometimes I can see the pain and loneliness in my eyes.
Sometimes I can see I'm not the only one who wants to just scream and feel less lonely.
Sometimes...

Why

Why is that when you try to do something right its never good enough? Why is that people say means things to hurt us when all we have done nothing but good? Why is it that I can cry myself to sleep every night? Why can't I just forget? Why can't I just not feel? Why do I get mad and sad every time? Why do we have to lose friends and family? Why can't I be the daughter my father wants to be? Why can't I be good enough? Why must he pick out my imperfections? Whats wrong with me? Why cant I be normal?

WHO

Who is that girl I see smiling and laughing with her friends having a good time? Is she really happy? Can their be pain, sadness, seen in her eyes? Does she really want to just scream and tell everyone what she really feels inside? Or is she really happy? Why can't I be like that? Happiness is what seems like something foreign to me sometimes. Who is she? I can hear her call to me but I can't seem to understand her feelings, all warm and fuzzy and happy. For all I feel is dry, cold, wet, hurt, lonely, and depressed. What is this happiness? Will I one day find out how this feels? Or will my frost bitten cold heart never melt? I still ask myself who is she? Is she real? Will he become real to me someday? I just wait patiently till I can see her...and becomes real...