Control

Here I find myself on a one-way road...only a couple dim lights to lead me on...there I stand...turn my music on....the song slowly starting...the beat slowly taking over my mind and body...release and out of control...As I run forward my shadow is the only one who has my back...I'm the only one on this one-way road but I don't care I don't mind being the only one on the road...running and running...Life or death...its either one...they can say what they what but they ain't better they me...we disagree and that's all we ever will do....so I don't mind being here on this dark road running through the darkness not knowing whats there...not knowing what could be hiding behind the dark shadows...maybe I'll find myself ...there.... its all messed up...in pain and hurt....running and running until I go numb cause of the cold wind brushing against my face...I try not to be hearing what they say...cause it all ain't true its all a bunch of crap... if you would only leave me alone and go away..please...just go...you mad at me for living my life straight and staying outta trouble...that ain't my problem...that's your own...don't talk about me behind my back...if you got something to say say it to my face...feel my pain...you just fronting hard...as if we don't know who you really are..go head talk..I'm listening...take it all...risk it all...I'm listening say it to my face...go ahead...say it...if you can leave messages disrespecting...then come and say it to my face...just leave me alone and go away...I'm outta control can't take it anymore sometimes. So I just run and run and I'll keep running to out run the pain for a little while...going through the darkness....darkness...control.....run.... run....pain....numb.....go AWAY.

Counting the Minutes

Laying here wide awake...counting the minutes...the hours..waiting for the sun to rise and kiss the sky good morning. I'm already thinking about the day ahead..what needs to be done, what I have to do, where I need to go and such....making plans in my head already to stop the numbing, aching feeling...to get my mind off it...already fighting and encountering thoughts that are a thousand miles away...just have to have something to do to distract me..of everyday life...sometimes I find an excuse to be alone and just get away...to be alone and think...without having someone try to bring me down...trying to break me ...but I won't let you...no...I find myself staring out the window...thinking...of everything...trying to get through the through the maze of rights and wrongs...I look into the mirror and don't recognize the girl staring back. I see sadness, pain, and anger in her eyes...I don't recognize her. My head is screaming hate....shame...I hope I get out this....I'm sick of it all...still counting the minutes...the hours until the sun comes up...once more another day to live..count the minutes and hours until the sun goes down and out comes the moon kissing the sky goodnight...another night of reckless sleep...of not being able to sleep...juts laying here wide awake counting the minutes and hours until the sun rises again.

Color Blind

Why do some people discriminate? It doesn't matter what color or race we are we are all the same...we are all human beings. It doesn't matter if we black, white, yellow, blue, brown or red... it doesn't matter...we all should feel love for one another no matter the color. I just don't understand how other have "fun" discriminating on as they call the different ones just because of their color or race. What good does that do? What good comes out in doing that? I think it's just pointless and wrong. We are all the same. We all have to live our lives...it doesn't matter...we are all the same till the end. Love is color blind...it doesn't see colors...all that matters in the end is to understand one another and that we are all the same. So why discriminate? take a chance...step up...tell it to the world..tell every person to be proud of themselves. We all as good as anybody else...so out away...no THROW away your prejudice and discrimination...open your eyes and your mind. try to make this world with out a racial view...its time for change...we all have to step up and make a change...it doesn't matter we have to be color- blind....we are all the same...let's be color blind...
Love is color blind.

Look Where We Are Now

I guess you could say I need a break from life....a break from everything...everyday its the same there is no change. I just want to step out of the same old routine and have the warm light shine on me. I just want to laugh so hard till I have tears in my eyes..but look at where we are now...look at where we stand now...I'd rather just go somewhere...I want to just hang out with my friends and have a good time but you seem to always just nag the whole time...I just want to do this without your nagging...I want to just let go of everything...but look at where we are now...Life sometimes just happens so fast and sometimes it just goes so slow. If I could just change direction it would be so nice but look at where we are now..is that possible?

Breathing Nite Air

At night I can't breath as easy as I did before. No one even notices or listens to the change in my breathing or words...or when I spoke spilling my thoughts and feelings...I guess I'm getting to the point where I feel like I do even more then I used to...like drowning or choking. Barely breathing. Wondering if anyone is listening...slowly fading away. Feel like I do because I just do...what else can I say...I just do. I'm going to try to make it through. Feelings in the past that I used to feel are now long gone...but know new feelings have taken their place...different feelings. I still don't breath easy at night...I hardly sleep anymore...but I just feel this way...I just do.

Break down the Wall

You know when sometimes you don't or can't believe the problems, feelings, or situations are in front of you? You seem to be wading into the water and then you find yourself with the water almost to your waist. You could say everything seemed okay at first and then out of no where the water has gotten deeper and deeper and then you find yourself drowning in your own fears. But then I ask myself if I'm the only one? Cause I know everyone goes through this feeling sometimes. I'll admit that sometimes I'm scared and sometimes I fall. But I guess there is nothing you can really do I mean its not like there is a guide out there to help you out and tell you what to do...how to stand up again. But we shouldn't be afraid of asking for help. We pray for some sanity. We all feel a little broken hearted inside at some point. You just have to bust down the wall...it can be done...you have to break out and step out of the darkness and walk into the light and keep moving on.

Winter Day

Winter is cold and numbing. I guess you can compare a cold winter day with my feelings...What I feel is cold...nothing...numbness..I feel as if my heart is frostbitten ... its cold...frozen..but just like snow on a warm day melts... I know that one day my cold heart will melt...all the feelings will one day melt just like snow..but for now I'm slowly regaining the feeling in me...slowly losing the numbness...slowly losing the coldness...even though winter can be bitter, numbing, and cold it can also be very beautiful and unique with its whiteness it can be so unique on a snowy day...ever snowflake unique in its own way, design and shape,,,snowflakes are like my feelings every single one different some good...some sad... and some bad...
...a winter day....