Color Blind

Why do some people discriminate? It doesn't matter what color or race we are we are all the same...we are all human beings. It doesn't matter if we black, white, yellow, blue, brown or red... it doesn't matter...we all should feel love for one another no matter the color. I just don't understand how other have "fun" discriminating on as they call the different ones just because of their color or race. What good does that do? What good comes out in doing that? I think it's just pointless and wrong. We are all the same. We all have to live our lives...it doesn't matter...we are all the same till the end. Love is color blind...it doesn't see colors...all that matters in the end is to understand one another and that we are all the same. So why discriminate? take a chance...step up...tell it to the world..tell every person to be proud of themselves. We all as good as anybody else...so out away...no THROW away your prejudice and discrimination...open your eyes and your mind. try to make this world with out a racial view...its time for change...we all have to step up and make a change...it doesn't matter we have to be color- blind....we are all the same...let's be color blind...
Love is color blind.

Look Where We Are Now

I guess you could say I need a break from life....a break from everything...everyday its the same there is no change. I just want to step out of the same old routine and have the warm light shine on me. I just want to laugh so hard till I have tears in my eyes..but look at where we are now...look at where we stand now...I'd rather just go somewhere...I want to just hang out with my friends and have a good time but you seem to always just nag the whole time...I just want to do this without your nagging...I want to just let go of everything...but look at where we are now...Life sometimes just happens so fast and sometimes it just goes so slow. If I could just change direction it would be so nice but look at where we are now..is that possible?

Breathing Nite Air

At night I can't breath as easy as I did before. No one even notices or listens to the change in my breathing or words...or when I spoke spilling my thoughts and feelings...I guess I'm getting to the point where I feel like I do even more then I used to...like drowning or choking. Barely breathing. Wondering if anyone is listening...slowly fading away. Feel like I do because I just do...what else can I say...I just do. I'm going to try to make it through. Feelings in the past that I used to feel are now long gone...but know new feelings have taken their place...different feelings. I still don't breath easy at night...I hardly sleep anymore...but I just feel this way...I just do.

Break down the Wall

You know when sometimes you don't or can't believe the problems, feelings, or situations are in front of you? You seem to be wading into the water and then you find yourself with the water almost to your waist. You could say everything seemed okay at first and then out of no where the water has gotten deeper and deeper and then you find yourself drowning in your own fears. But then I ask myself if I'm the only one? Cause I know everyone goes through this feeling sometimes. I'll admit that sometimes I'm scared and sometimes I fall. But I guess there is nothing you can really do I mean its not like there is a guide out there to help you out and tell you what to do...how to stand up again. But we shouldn't be afraid of asking for help. We pray for some sanity. We all feel a little broken hearted inside at some point. You just have to bust down the wall...it can be done...you have to break out and step out of the darkness and walk into the light and keep moving on.

Winter Day

Winter is cold and numbing. I guess you can compare a cold winter day with my feelings...What I feel is cold...nothing...numbness..I feel as if my heart is frostbitten ... its cold...frozen..but just like snow on a warm day melts... I know that one day my cold heart will melt...all the feelings will one day melt just like snow..but for now I'm slowly regaining the feeling in me...slowly losing the numbness...slowly losing the coldness...even though winter can be bitter, numbing, and cold it can also be very beautiful and unique with its whiteness it can be so unique on a snowy day...ever snowflake unique in its own way, design and shape,,,snowflakes are like my feelings every single one different some good...some sad... and some bad...
...a winter day....

A Sad Heart

Somehow I try to black these thoughts out....I try to block them out so I don't go insane or lose my mind. They are crawling inside my head like little insects...playing memories in my head and make me remember of what it used to be and then remind me of what it is now...they remind me how much I feel alone and how I miss having someone there who cares and will tell me that its okay. There's a burning feeling inside me and a nervous bleeding in my brain. Will we ever go back again? Will you never try to reach me? Will you never change your ways? You can go ahead and hate and critize me all you want...heck you can hate me tomorrow critize me all week...critize me for reasons of things that I haven't even done. It sometimes so much that its hard to swallow it all..instead of it uniting us it seems to be tearing us all apart...the one thing that tore us apart is the one thing I refuse to touch the one thing I don't talk about again. Sometimes I want to do everything in my heart to change everything. Enough with all the hating , all the critizing, the fighting, the bickering, and the hurting everything just ENOUGH with it STOP IT all! With a sad heart I seem to just sit here...kicking the shadows for all the mistakes that have happened...I want to make it all go away...just gone forever..and bring back the smiles...the happiness I used to see in our faces..and just how it used to be..How can you do this to me?? How can you do this to us your family? I guess you can go and hate me and critize me....you can hate us...then you can finally see if that does any good to you.

Letting Go

Where do you go after a day that feels like an eternity?? Where does our heart beat?...Who's wrong? Why must I feel this way? Why do I cry? How can I let this all go? Why do I feel anything? Why must I feel? Why? Will someone help me? Let me follow them through this never ending maze? Show me the right path to take...Why do I go through this? Why? Why do I go this way? Why do I think? How could we let go of this? Why do I feel? Why? Why? Why did I go this way? Why? How could I let it go? How could I? How? Why? How could I? Why must I feel this way? Why won't these headaches go away? It seems the more I think of it the stronger they become...the more they come...I try to not think of it and let it slide but it seems the more I try to forget the more I seem to remember and think of it..I try to push out these thoughts but they some how manage to crawl back into my head...at nights its worse cause sometimes I can't even sleep because my mind is filled with so many thoughts...So I ask again where....where do you go after a long day that doesn't seem to end that seems like a eternity?....

What if..

What if we could put our lives on hold or on pause...what would you do? What would we do?
Would we do nothing at all? Or would you want to go back and change something? What if we could...where would you go? Would we need someone or something? Who would you want to be around? Could someone look into your eyes ans see life in them? Or would they see nothing at all..? Just a blank stare...What would you do if we could do this?

Hurt Before

She's this girl in the world...moving as fast as she goes...she loves her mother...the only secure thought she knows...but at night she's alone...dreaming of something new of better times...she's praying that her dreams will one day come true...can someone show me?? Can someone show me how to be brave...Show me the way and tell me how to get through this...what do I say??
There is a pain in my heard that I'm trying so hard to unwind and untangle. It makes me cry in the night when I am alone in my room ,when these visions of life can sometimes make me go blind.. I want to break through this fear of raising scars and pains from within me..and start a new kind of me...show me the way..show me show me how can I be strong and brave. You see its like I'm finally turning the key to this door...unlocking it and stepping outside into this roller coaster world...taking whatever future holds...taking a stride...we have all in someway or another have been hurt before right? Well your not alone...if you have been hurt before...no you are not alone.

Many Shades Of Blue

It's almost past 7 o' clock she stumbles down the stairs..her mother cooking in the kitchen and her father is in his same old chair...on the newspaper the headline reads that the sun will come out today.. there it is shining down the perfect streets...her eyes wide open the sky is always many shades of blue..badly broken she's lost and lonely..hearing the school bells singing "Hurry don't be late for class" Wandering through the hallways through the crowds searching for her place to go. The writing on her teachers chalkboard read "Who will make a change?" She raises her hand no one even notices her there..with arms wide open her life has become many shades of blue...partly broken she's lost and lonely...there is no escape from it...where she's going..many shades of blue...partly hopeless...she let the water run more then usual...a little deep..she slowly slips on in and she finds the nerve to breathe...everyone doesn't see it coming...the cops arrive with sirens blaring and they find her many shades of blue...but it's hopeless no ones noticed her until now...her eyes wide open...they found her floating...there is no escaping of where she's going...many shades of blue...with her arms wide open...she went and made her change...still many shades of blue...then she just suddenly wakes up from her dream...but she is still a thousand shades of blue...

Feel Like Running Forever

Sometimes I feel like just running...without stopping...even if I'm exhausted and my muscles are straining with pain I just want to run and run..running clears my mind...makes me forget for a bit...I just hear my feet hitting the pavement over and over again...it seems like my legs move mechanically without thinking...over and over again...hearing my heartbeat going faster and faster...my breathing...everything going to the rhythm of the music blaring in my ears....faster and faster..I want to run and keep running and never stop. Just run away for a bit from all the problems, the hate and the pain. To just run and forget it all....cause I'm just sick of everything.. I just want to get away and go somewhere far away...just so I can think and get my mind cleared...never stopping...I want to just run and feel the cold wind on my face...I want to run until my leg muscles have gone numb...not feel anything anymore...nothing no pain, no sadness, no anger, no happiness...feel nothing...some may not understand this feeling but I know some do and some feel like doing the exact same...they feel like just running and running....
...RUN...

I promise you I'll be back

Wandering towards the back...looking down towards the ground..
suddenly I look up and stop dead in my tracks...just standing there both of our eyes locked on each other for almost a minute but it seemed like an eternity. I wanted to just run over and give him a huge hug and say that it was good to see him again but knowing that I couldn't but I knew he could see in my eyes what I wanted to say. He could read my mind. But no yet no not yet could we do this. Looking into his dark brown boyish eyes I could read it "I'm Sorry" is what I could read off. I hadn't seen him for almost a year but I never forgot the message he left on my phone the night everything happen " Your the one that has always helped me through every time...every time you were there telling me to be strong and not fall...but yet by my actions here I find myself to have fallen...but it wasn't because of you or my family it was because of me and my foolish actions. I'm sorry for the pain I cause you and my family...but one thing I want to tell you is that I promise you I'll try real hard and come back...I promise...I'll be back" I can still hear his voice sadden and scared playing over and over in my head. I couldn't help but look back slightly there he was actually sitting there...somehow I couldn't believe he was really there...it felt as if I was dreaming...that it was a dream and that I would wake up...but I didn't wake up from any dream...it was real it was reality. Seeing him again same old him...with his same dark brown boyish eyes and see that shyness on his face. I wanted to talk to him but I couldn't but I really wanted to so badly. Afterwards when he got up to leave he waited at the door for a little bit until I turned and looked back our eyes locking once again...all I heard and all I could read is "I promise I'll be back I promise you..."
Just by him being there gave me some hope. I still have faith that he'll be back...
"I promise you I'll be back..."

Living and Breathing

I've had enough of living my life like this...in darkness and sadness..I can't explain why I have to suffer this...all I ever do is live my life right and straight...stay out of trouble...I find it ridiculous that we go back to square one every time...every day...every minute same old CRAP and I'm SICK of it! I want to be happy again... I want to be me again...everyone has noticed a change in me...they say that they see sadness in my eyes that I'm not myself...if they only knew what's going on inside me...in my mind...what I'm feeling inside...I can hear myself screaming in my mind..Sometimes I feel like just yelling out "I'M SORRY FOR LIVING AND BREATHING!" Why is it that you say you'll change the way you are but you don't you go back to the same crap again and again. Those who see me say I've changed seem more quieter and more reserved. Sometimes I wish I could tell them why why I seem changed the reason is YOU. Others have no idea what I'm going through or what I'm feeling...it feels like a drowning feeling or a choking feeling either way it feels like I can't breathe. I want to express myself and when I want to express my things it never comes out. I want to say so much more...but it seems I can't get the words to come out of my mouth...it seems like someone hits the mute on my voice and any time I want to speak nothing...no nothing comes out.

Nothingness

What is a flashlight without a battery?
What is a toaster without a plug?
What is a human without a heart beat?
What is a person without emotions or feelings?
What is life without happiness or joy?
What is a shoe without lace?
What is a clock without a minute hand?
What is a question without an answer?
What is a phone with no signal?
What is lake without water?
What is a fire without the flames?
What is a rose without its petals?
What is a book without pages?
What is a computer without a mouse?
What is a car without a tire?
What is a lamp without a bulb?
What is an instrument without a string ?
What is a table without legs?
What is a heart without blood?
What is a lung without oxygen?
What is a body without a brain?
What is a friendship without trust?
What is a relationship without love?
What is a hand without fingers?
What is a map without directions?
What is a feeling if it can't be felt?
What is a thought if you can't think it?
Right that the answer to mostly all of these questions is nothing??
Then why do we sometimes have nothing?? If we don't have something that we need then it is nothing right? Then how come we live with nothing sometimes things we need in order to live how come sometimes people lose it or destroy it or throw it away and prefer to have nothing? I think it would be better to have at least something then nothing right? Or is it better to just throw everything away and not want anything and just have nothing at all?? Or the ones who do have something but they just greedy and keep wanting more and more while others have nothing.Why not be happy or grateful that we have something? Because many people may have nothing at all and here you are wanting something new or something better then what your have.
....nothing....nothing....nothingness

How do we know that there will be another tommorow?

Sometimes I ask myself will there be a tomorrow?? How can we be certain of it? Is there some way that we can know?? There isn't always an open door ... Life I have realized is something sacred and we mustn't waste it away... because the future no one can see and today we are here and tomorrow we can be gone. We must just step aside and just live our life because tomorrow can just wash away like a chalk paint left in the rain. Don't put off the things for tomorrow that you can do today... we must take advantage of everyday because that moment is now and if we don't live it we might just regret it. As I sit here and just watch the snow fall down and can see the snowflakes melt just as they land on the window and that made me realize how our lives and moments can be they can be here for a split second and then the next thing they could be melted away. We must always have a reason if we don't then the moments could be gone. Life is now and it is here we can almost feel it. That's why we must put the negativity to the side and just live our life to the fullest because in a moment it could be gone. We shouldn't live in weakness and in fear. Our ability to taste the sweetness....we must taste it...life is real so we shouldn't ever fake it. We need to just live it and let it be. Because tomorrow could just wash away just how chalk on the sidewalk washes away under the rain. This moment is now.. none of of can see the future and what it'll be... we shouldn't wait or else it'll be to late and we will regret not living out life.

I've Lost My Innocence

I'm done yes I have said I'm DONE with all of this...I've exposed my weakness inside me with the daylight it bright enough to kill this dream of mine. I'm losing my innocence. I can't really expect to live like this forever? We can't right? What can I say or what should I say or even better how can I explain this pain? It weighs somewhat heavy on the brains of those who I love..those who keep the faith...when I know there's just only one way. I can't live like this forever. No I won't..we weren't made to live like this no we NEVER were...I try to come as close as I can and try to make it work but instead I turn around and walk back towards the darkness I have been hiding in cause you just yell and bicker about the stupidest things. One thing that I know is that we were never meant nor made to live like this.

Living

I have gone for much to long living as if I'm not alive. I have to attempt to find myself underneath this frostbitten cold self I see in the mirror everyday...I know she's in there somewhere and I must find her again and bring her out again...when I make all the things said and all the things said and all the things seen fad away. I'm going to make sure it's gone for good and replaced. I seem to have tied my pain below me and no one seems to know that I'm hurt and broken inside. I've tried to patch up my deep wounds and kill these fears of mine that don't let me sleep at night. It's not fake less if I try to open my eyes and I'll try to face these fears that have become real. I just need this pain to end right now. But why is it so hard? I have to cause it just might save me before it's to late...

Flamming

This is such a shame of what we have become...such fragile beings that can be hurt and broken so easily. The memory seems to remain as if it is encrypted in my brain...there is a tiny spark inside of me and when things give it oxygen it seems to burn with such heat and i just let the flames begin to burn inside me...hotter and hotter. This is my death was wish when he tried to come take us down. Sometimes I guess my weakness give me a little bit of strength I need and I'll die searching for it...this happiness...something that seems so foreign...I can't let myself regret such happiness. Even after it all the pain caused i still can't believe there's a little bit of hope buried beneath it all. Hiding there...growing underneath a small glimpse...a small glitter of it. Wishing as i sink into this lifeless life of mine, This is what I'll be when he comes and tries to take me down...tries to take us down with his hurtful words.

A Flower Among The Ashes

When something burns it seems to destroy everything in its way..no matter what it is it seems to be burned and vaporized right? But a few days later you can see that life is still there...even after everything that happened you see a flower grow in the middle of all the destruction....I guess that's how you could describe the feeling I feel right now after all of the pain I've gone through everything I have had to encounter you'd think that I couldn't feel or live anymore. But I guess we all have to go through suffering and learn from it. We can't and shouldn't let it defeat us because just like that fire it may destroy everything but yet a flower always rises from among the ashes. You may think that there is no life left...nothing...but life always grows again if you truly believe it can it will...Don't stop believing in your dreams, in your beliefs, in your feeling, and most importantly don't stop believing in your self. I've been through a lot and I admit sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore...you want to scream and yell and hit something...but in the end what good will that do?? It only gives the person who is causing it the power to know that they can get to you and that they can break you. But you mustn't ever give them that power...if you believe in yourself then you can get through it...I have that's what I did...I am that flower that rises among the ashes.