A Sad Heart

Somehow I try to black these thoughts out....I try to block them out so I don't go insane or lose my mind. They are crawling inside my head like little insects...playing memories in my head and make me remember of what it used to be and then remind me of what it is now...they remind me how much I feel alone and how I miss having someone there who cares and will tell me that its okay. There's a burning feeling inside me and a nervous bleeding in my brain. Will we ever go back again? Will you never try to reach me? Will you never change your ways? You can go ahead and hate and critize me all you want...heck you can hate me tomorrow critize me all week...critize me for reasons of things that I haven't even done. It sometimes so much that its hard to swallow it all..instead of it uniting us it seems to be tearing us all apart...the one thing that tore us apart is the one thing I refuse to touch the one thing I don't talk about again. Sometimes I want to do everything in my heart to change everything. Enough with all the hating , all the critizing, the fighting, the bickering, and the hurting everything just ENOUGH with it STOP IT all! With a sad heart I seem to just sit here...kicking the shadows for all the mistakes that have happened...I want to make it all go away...just gone forever..and bring back the smiles...the happiness I used to see in our faces..and just how it used to be..How can you do this to me?? How can you do this to us your family? I guess you can go and hate me and critize me....you can hate us...then you can finally see if that does any good to you.