Changing is not impossible

Right now I want to just take everything and put it all back everything....everything I ever felt and put it back again. To be the person I used to be...I know she's there waiting for me...for me to return. Every word I seem to speak just rolls off my lips...just say everything out loud even if no one listens to what I'm saying...what I'm feeling...I write down everything I feel with every stroke of my pen on my notebook I get rid of some of the feeling...I let it all out...when I write I can't stop...it;s the way I express myself..sometimes I look back to what I've written and I hate it sometimes because the same feelings come creeping back all over again...you know when you just try to be happy but something always pops up to ruin your day? When this happens I just try to ignore it and not let it affect me. I'm laying on the floor and just thinking about everything....so much has changed...some for the better and some for the worst...its like the way everything has changed sometimes weren't fair...many tears cried...every night my mind flashes backs to the past...sometimes I can't believe how everything has changed...sometimes I want to say just stop pretending already!...Its all like a bad dream that i can't wake up from..I can see that you have given up and stopped trying...well that you...but me I want more I still want to try to get past this...I've lost a lot...but I don't believe that this is all...no I won't believe the words that you say anymore..I'm going to try and get through this..please don't pretend you care anymore cause I don't believe you anymore...I may not know where to begin but I fight the bad memories away...its not impossible...i will try hard to get through this.